There are so many ‘what ifs’ in the lives of girls. What if a girl does this, what if a girl says like that, what if a girl wears like this & all these lead to issues. But, does the same rule exists for boys, males ? A big ‘NO’.
Don’t think we are cultivating & inculcating women empowerment concept; it’s not about that. I am going to discuss on a sensitive matter which may be too normal for our society. But,I think it’s not.
‘Copulation’ is a biological phenomenon & obviously a part of human life; you can also call significant part. In Indian society,we associate this with marriage & it’s after life.
Think once, what are the basic requirements for being intimate as a married couple? I request you not to think it’s answer as ‘Nothing’. Scientifically, you can say bodies of two different sexes, male & female. But is it enough? Are we humans or animals? If you are able to think we need even something more than bodies of two different sexes, I feel blessed for your presence in this earth because it’s not a common thought. Let me tell you about that ‘something more’ includes interest, physical fitness, feelings, love & respect. If copulation happens in the lack of these abstract things, it’s nothing other than physical violence even if they are a married couple.
You will be surprised to know that our society, our family stands against domestic violence but not against such domestic violence which also includes mental harassments. Much miserable is the case of females; our girls.
What if a wife says ‘no to sex’ on her fourth night or if ever says ‘no to sex’in her later part of married life & demands some time ? You know what 99 out of 100 people will not say it’s okay. Her virginity will be questioned & she will be forced to do as her partner wishes. The most disheartening part is that our society is such that even her own educated mother will ask her that,” why don’t you co-operate in your married life? All these are simply part of life.” The fact is that one who questions you ‘why’ , can never really understand your answers to that ‘whys’. One thing I must highlight here, see a girl’s denial is such a great issue that it reaches to her parents also.
Being uncomfortable for something is very usual. She may not be physically well, may be tired throughout the day, may have someone in life whom she couldn’t forget, may have lost one of her family members whom she knew from childhood, may have lost her friend, may be not satisfied with her job, may be not feeling nice in her husband’s home, may be want to know her husband a bit more before being intimate etc. Alas! these reasons are baseless for everyone.
I feel why a wife will give reasons also ? Why she has to explain her ‘No’? Can’t you give some time, take some extra care to make her feel better? Is not it’s husband’s duty to shower real love on her? So, that she will definitely start to reciprocate .The husband & the whole family (even her parental one also) will make her life hell if she ever dared to say ‘No’ to her husband. The families keep on telling that “it’s a duty of wife to keep her man happy. Her such behaviour may be the reason of marriage failure. When your husband is not asking for dowry, he is not torturing you physically, then he is an ideal person. It’s his right to force for sex.” That’s why a wife absorbs her own helplessness, doesn’t scream & does not say ‘no’. As she knows nobody will come for her rescue. If she leaves house, family, she may get caught by outside demons later.
There may be some exceptional husbands but the number of such generalized cases are so high that we need to talk about them. I salute exceptional husbands who can wait patiently till his wife’s ‘no’ turns into ‘yes’.
The plight of wife doesn’t end here. There’s yet another part of the story.what if a husband says ‘no to sex’on his fourth night or if ever says ‘no to sex’ in later part of married life & demands some time? No issues at all as if it’s his right to decide whether to go for it or not. A wife has been never taught to force his husband for such things. If anyone dares, her man will leave her alone in the bed & moves out. These issues usually don’t reach to anyone of their parents. Mistakenly, if this issue will go outside the bed room, the wife will be either considered as an impatient woman or will be judged as characterless that’s why his husband is not interested about her. She will be advised by the families to give her husband some time & meanwhile should try to win his heart. She should make him feel comfortable with her presence, prepare his fav. dishes & even should pray God for it. Most importantly, she shouldn’t doubt her husband. He may be having health issues, financial problems, family problems, trying to get out of his past relationship. So he deserves time with respect. That’s fine. He has every right to deny but why not same level of understanding is not developed for a woman’s problems ?
What can we conclude? Males are really superior. The society allows them to live in the way they want. I don’t get what society feels, is there some extraordinary hormones in female bodies that keeps them ever ready for sex. It’s heart-breaking.
Sexual pleasure is neither something a man should extract from his woman nor something that an woman should beg before her man. It’s only regarding mutual understanding & love of couple.
May no girl has to face such problems.God bless you all.
Srushti Prajna Mohanty
Voice of heart 